You say potato and I say “fuck it”, Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off. I decided not to have Thanksgiving Dinner after all. Though I received several kind invitations to warm hearths, I decided I would rather laze around in my unheated room, and drive around looking for a convenience store that has frozen bagels. When you play surf music, everything feels like a Mission. Take Gas, Goofy Footer Hodad!
Like every lily-livered gold plated American, I have a tarjillion things to be thankful for. But no one wants to hear me opine about how lucky I feel to have all my limbs, food, and a bomb free-sky to gaze up at. So we decided to ask Happy-Go-Lucky Hasselhoff, for a list of the things he holds dear on this day. And we bring you:
I am Thankful For…
2. Chest Wax
4. My favorite well-worn Speedo, “the Gunboat”
but most of all,
5. The Germans!
Happy Thx-giving Everyone!