Category Archives: Uncategorized

I’ve always wanted to eat my weight in dill pickles

Uncategorized,

Do visit Malepregnancy.com! This would be a terrific idea if reproducing weren’t such a bad one already. Be sure to check out the “hospital’s” other projects, including the transgenic talking mouse.

Way out there in interweb land, I spy my sister making an appeal for new shoes. Wishful thinking, child! You’d best put up a PayPal begging button or an Amazon wishlist to get anywhere. Saaay….maybe I’ll put up my Amazon wishlist. Except I want really embarassing stuff. Everyone would laugh at me. Especially heather. Ah, anyway, back to the shoes. May I recommend ones made from dogs’ noses? The finest way to travel. Failing that, you might want to set your existing shoes out overnight so the elves can come and cobble them for you.

Ok, if I’m still hopelessly bored in a bit I’ll post the Lambchop FAQ! I assure you it’s a corker.

xxoo

Separating the Havrilesky’s from the have-nots

Uncategorized, ,

Yes, store write us! We are full of opinions and inapplicable anecdotes! We are full of malarkey! We like exclamation points!!!!

So I got brand new teeth today. I am going to go out first thing and have a steak and an apple and a blo pop, help preferably all balled up in a crunchy, sticky, sinewy mass. Thank you, teeth, though i shall miss the gumjobs!

(in case you just tuned in, i had an accident involving some marbles, a pair of skates, and a semi. That will teach me to perform roadside slapstick!)

smooch

Addendum

Uncategorized,

So, link you have everything straightened out with troop deployments and the sampling of fabulous golden issue. good for you private!

but if you think your proboscis is a luxuriant aid in your spelunking activities, decease you have a long way to go. Beaking is just plain embarassing. While you are whittling away at the little man in the boat with your nasal rudder, treatment we are wondering why we ever became sexually active in the first place. You are seized by the shoulder and hauled upstairs as our only recourse to sending you out to bring us a donut.

No Beaking!

Now, beaking while wearing glasses. Just think about it…

smooch

I love the big ones says kathy sally thinks.

Uncategorized, , ,

I get the best spam ever. If that subject line doesn’t entice one to read on, whatever will? I guess my second choice would have to be “26 pics of teen girls getting ass reamed in the ass.” I applaud that for both specificity and redundancy.

Say, Lambchop, thanks for reminding me of MLK day! I just realized I shot my Black People Love Us wad a day too early! Silly me! I suppose I should cast about for a Little Black Sambo fan site or something to make up for it, but I fear public outcry. Speaking of the public, should we post email addresses? I would love to get some reader mail going, maybe some problems we could publicly address!

Sample letter:

Dear Lambchop and Licketysplit,

I’m torn, befuddled, and perplexed! My boyfriend wants nothing but anal sex. And I know I’m supposed to be *gay,* but it just doesn’t do it for me! What should I do?

signed,

Scaredy Cat

Sample response:

Dear Puss In Boots,

You should do what we always do: Poppers! Failing that, try to strike a balance of the finer things in life. Take some time out in your relationship to try a new flavor of iced tea, or listen to that new Starbucks Jazz CD compilation. Lambchop has been known to loosen up by rearranging her living room, perhaps trying a new fabric softener. And I like to achieve ultimate relaxation by arranging my book jackets by color. Soon you’ll be but a puddle of a man, ready to trip trop the anal staircase. And should you feel any trepidation, lie back and think of the Snuggle Bear! Ease into the rooting and tooting, you’ll learn to love it as much as we have.

xxoo

L & L

So come on readers, dial us up on the ol’ interweb! We are here to help!

xxoo

O! Banana

Uncategorized, , ,

Something that weighs heavily on my heart. That’s right, the Banana. I read just recently that fungus and pests have devastated the plants, and they simply don’t have the genetic diversity to combat the problem. Like the Amish. Anyhoo, what kind of life would it be without bananas? How can we go on if banana pancakes are extinct? What will monkeys eat (and what will happen to Matt LeBlanc’s career)? But seriously, if i put a lovely ripe banana in your hand and told you “Savor this baby, its the Very Last One You Will Ever Eat”, wouldn’t you just burst into tears, thereby destroying your final banana moments? And that would most deservedly make you feel like a real schmuck.

Gather ye bananas, while ye may…

Licketysplit and i may at least console ourselves by marketing the world’s first Bananapon- yes, the cheery, fragrant banana tampon!

smooch

Kikkoman <3 Powdered Toast Man

Uncategorized,

Continuing with my tenuous grasp on the marine life theme, may I present Hi Ho in Sake. Watch for the tail slapping!

This episode contains a toothy shark and a melon piñata. And if you only watch one episode, make it “Shitting a Brick”.

Hoo wee. That little song will drive you nuts for days! Apparently those are mascots for a DSL service. But who knows for sure? Too bad we don’t speak “asian.”

I think maybe now we have to worry about the charges of racism more than the XXX rating? Next thing you know people will be accusing us of claiming all black people look alike?

xxoo

Those kooky asians!

Uncategorized,

When you are done with la femme flatulence, it will please you to know that Kikkoman has tired of Japan! (and he’s stacked!)

Last month Lickety made me look at fetish videos involving girls with butter dripping from their chins letting insects crawl into their mouths and swallowing them. Something about all those legs, i guess.

THANKS FOR SHARING; PETUNIA!

For my supper, I am off to gum some noodles. Can we do anything today that won’t receive an XXX rating from someone, somewhere?

smooch

She is very famous in some fetish video

Uncategorized, ,

No, not Heather! Hee hee. These ladies have some very special talents. Probably not work safe, but no nudity.

“So, farting is hard she said, but every girl enjoy farting in room.” So true! Yes, it’s a Japanese farting fetish video series, and the many descriptions are all written in delightful Engrish. I laughed til I cried!

Ok, on that note, or some other note entirely, I’m off to have lunch at Legal Sea Foods. I will be sure to get the fried clams. Or perhaps some other tasty mollusk. At any rate, I’m going to insist on opening them with my teeth.

“She want to fart in outside, She said that “If I fart in public, I will be good..because most of all ladies wants to fart in anyplace perhaps…”.”

xxoo