As a symptom of existentialism, I have taken to berating myself for not accomplishing X or Y. Why haven’t I sold a screenplay yet? Oh, you have to write one first. But I have so many ideas! Can’t people just sense their genius and fill in the blanks?
So I have lowered my sights. I am going to do absolutely nothing with my life. This, now this is meat I can sink my teeth into. This is a caribou, freshly killed by a Palin. ATTACK! Â Right now I am in bed, eating chocolates, without a care in the world! It’s amazing what adjusting one’s expectations can do. I had best expect not to gain weight from these chocolates. Life’s a beach!
The Hungry Thing, one of Lambchop’s favorite childhood books
I have recovered from the Nero-like consumption of the profusions of Thanksgiving.Â Watercress and grapefruit, thank you very much!Â Surely, I do fancy a bit of sorbet. Â But the triumphant feelingsÂ brought on by my ascetic atonement could not last. IÂ scalded my palate and my hand most scandalously from a few drops of soup at dinner.Â How dare they! Don’t they know we have law(suits) in this country?!Â My solicitor has demanded a photo of the pink crescent shape branded on my skin, but that is probably only because he fancies me.Â
I was to have lunch today with my boss, for a belated birthday celebration.Â Outside it swirls with rain and howling wind.Â On the 30th floor, the windows are shuddering and the building is creaking and shrieking like Ricky Gervais’Â laughter.Â Scary! After aÂ brief consult it was determined that my hairdo would notÂ beÂ benefitted by a Â trip out of doors, and it had better be put off for another day.Â
This weather is a sorry omen to remind me that I should not be here.Â That I should be in Miami, unshowered and besotted with all the other New York artists descended upon Art Basel.Â I have ambitions!Â But that was not in the cards and mainly not in the coins for this year.Â I have contented myself by applyingÂ to a few exhibitions.Â One of them is here, and you can star my portfolio if you choose.
I trucked on down to the cafeteria for lunch to watch the gales.Â I had some fennel and apple, a bit of quinoa, and some grilled asparagus.Â My coworker had a crock of macaroni and cheese,Â at the bottom of Â which she left a spoonful or two.Â I feel I got a great workout, holding myself back from lunging at those bitefuls with my forkÂ for the ten whole minutes we sat chatting.Â Think of it!Â All that blah blah BLAH while those starchy morsels lounged there uneaten, just bathing in their gooey sauce.Â With what anguish did I watch her place her tray on the conveyor to the dishwashers?Â Goodbye, goodbye, waved the bright yellow streak of last of the macaroni and cheese!
Now I know how Godzilla felt.