An unassuming but delicious salad from my childhood:

2 packs pistachio pudding mix
1 20 oz can crushed pineapple
1 tub of thawed Cool Whip
tiny marshmallows and chopped walnuts to taste

Gobble accordingly, my friends. My fellow Americans, I know how to make the salad. I know where to get the marshmallows.

I am so bringing this to Thanksgiving this year. People won’t know what hit them. They’ll wish they had healthcare that allowed mandatory screenings for AWESOME.