924: I’ll give you something to cry about

Dearest innernet, I realized that I have been remiss in apprising you of my widdle doings. It’s not on purpose. I just get caught up in other things. You know, day trading, taste testing yogurts, macrame. I have two eyebrows, and they BOTH need my attention. So get in line.

Last week, I threw my back out by, er, well, never mind. Did I mention Mr. H has lost four pounds? Just as this was mended thanks to tough love from my chiropractor, I was felled by strep throat. I have spent countless minutes trying to take a picture of the back of my throat, for it is truly a remarkable vista. Think the surface of the moon, white and pocked, a fragile crust wrapped around a molten core of pure agony. This is by far the most disgusting thing that has ever happened in my mouth. And that’s saying a lot, given “the nineties” and that time I had oral surgery and found a spare sixteen yards of gauze crammed somewhere back there.

So who knows what the next week will bring? Right now, it’s all over but the whining and a few more days of antibiotics. I am going to unionize for more sick days. Ybab still had the nerve to expect to be fed and entertained while I was feeling poorly! As I sprawled on the ground, drifting in and out consciousness, shirt off to allow her to eat once in a while with no actual effort from me, I wondered if my soon-to-be dead corpse would continue to produce milk to at least tide her over until Mr. H got home from saving orphans with Angelina Jolie or whatever it is that he does these days. Can you believe ybab doesn’t know how to make an omelette yet? I have to go look that up, post-mortem lactation. Google, get ready for me! I want to be number 1 for “post-mortem lactation” now. Get to linking.

3 responses to “924: I’ll give you something to cry about”

  1. Your Google Ads lead to a gypsy that charges your cell phone $9.99 a month to grant one wish (which pays off well, I suppose, if you wish for someone to give you $10.99 a month) and a web site for ghost tours in Gettysburg. That’s what lactation will get you.

    What would you wish for if you could pay a cellular gypsy for one wish? I would wish for superpowers, world peace, and cork flooring.

  2. oh my heavens, I already have cork flooring. Unfortunately it is under a layer of hardwood, thanks to the sound police from the condo board. So I can’t wish for that. I suppose I will wish to stop swallowing rotting bits of my own throat, the ability to comment on your blog again (busted agin), and omnipotence. That last one should take care of anything I forgot.

  3. If you had omnipotence, you could comment directly into my mind and skip the middle man. Or is that omniscience? Who can remember.

    Re: blog commenting… if you leave out your URL will it work? I’ve been trying to figure out what’s going on there. I cannot.

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