My gang sign is Whatever

I accidentally shot the building super when I was trying to flush the rats out of the trash room with my shotgun. I think he’ll pull through. He shook his fist at me out of the back of the departing ambulance. Feisty li’l guy. He reminds me of a svelte Wilfred Brimley. The whole debacle recalls how my pappy used to shoot at the neighbor kids with rock salt. That last part is actually true, although the prior truths are merely essential truths.

WTF is wrong with my DVR? It records The Daily Show like 6 times a day. Apparently the problem is something something metadata. The hell with you, fake news. I will make up my own. Haven’t I been doing this all along?

Have discovered surefire way to offend populus at large not already offended just because of parasite existence: casually mention we are planning on using cloth diapers for the parasite. People get righteously bent over a simple statement with no attached evangelizing or explanation. There is an explanation, but I know damn well no one likes those. As Americans, we all know that someone making a different choice means that someone is saying our choice is WRONG. Screw you, France, don’t judge me. You don’t even KNOW me111!!!!11!!

This attitude strikes me as hilarious because other people are not the ones who have to do our laundry/birth at home/invest in mutual funds/any of the other Godless things we get around to doing. Some of these same people have been offended by past follies such as foreign vacations/Mr. H shopping at Banana Republic. “Well. I just don’t know why you’d want to DO that!” I don’t know why a lot of people do a lot of things, but I agree that it is way fun to speculate.

Today in cats: The dead spider from the bathroom that I’ve been ignoring mysteriously disappeared.

9 responses to “My gang sign is Whatever”

  1. Heathen. Cloth diapers? My mom only used those because they cost a lot less, are more environmentally sound, and are less irritating to a wee one’s bum. But you have no excuse- you roll in piles of money all day long, the environment is a-ok, and the noxious perfume they put on the trashable ones is approved by the FDA. If it’s good enough for the FDA… You’re just being un-American.

  2. Okay, but you ARE going to Ferberize child at 3 weeks, right? Cuz otherwise you will be an existential threat and must be sent to Guantanamo.

  3. Jeez, V., don’t you understand? The problem with the Daily Show metadata is that you’ve used up all of its XML to brush your teeth!

  4. ms b: my mother terrorized 2 children with cloth, and we are only slightly defective. Your findings are v. encouraging.

    jenna: actually, i do roll in piles of money all day, if you count loose change. since rich people are cheap, i see no point in parting my money weekly for diapers. Hmm, maybe i should really be looking into Elimination Communication.

    amy: The US military seems to be big on shit-smearing these days, so what’s good our for detainees is good for America’s heinies. After all that, of course I will spray the child with Febreeze as suggested.

    max: i ate it on crackers too.

  5. I mean, you can probably use some of each, right? Like, cloth diapers most of the time, but in a pinch, or while traveling, use disposables? Or does switching them up make things difficult?

    Babies: a mystery. One that must be solved. With a single correct answer that is applicable in all situations.

  6. Well, yeah, if we travelled without access to laundry, then disposables it is. Of course there’s always G-Diapers (g-diaper.com). For a day out, you can still use cloth. The offending dirty dipe is sealed in a wet bag in the diaper bag until you get home. I think the hardest part is that people still think of nothing but those flat white pieces of cloth with pins and rubber pants. There are so many more options than that – the kind we got look and work like disposables, but are softer and washable.

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