You want to know about the billboard

There are two churchs down the road that out-sloganeer each other each week. The one closest to the house says something like “Let your inner good show on the outside.” Of course I think of how the entrails of some of the Habsburg emperors were buried outside of their bodies. Or good old Saint Erasmus.

But mainly I think of how butt ugly the parasite is making me. In theory, I have the goodness of innocent infant blood inside (a prized beauty treatment for stars like Dick Cheney and Nicolette Sheridan), but the outside? Not so good. Little Davidette is giving mommy a lackluster mane and tail. Combine this with a minor illness, and I look like a zombie. A zombie with pants that can’t stay up properly because the zombie is not big enough for fat pants, but too small for her regular pants. I lurched into the car fixing place this morning and rattled “Change oil! Brains!” Then I just huddled on the floor by the counter, hissing at people until someone had to put on gloves and drag me to the customer lounge.

While in the lounge, I ate someone for starting a cell phone conversation about how annoying it was to wait in a waiting room. Survival of the fittest. This someone was even uglier than me, if that’s possible.

7 responses to “You want to know about the billboard”

  1. If Little Davidette is a tribute to me, I will give it my old iPod when it turns 18 and spends the night in a haunted house.

  2. Well, I tried calling it Goblin, but that didn’t fly. I still can’t comment on your site. You blocked my IP, didn’t you!

  3. fat pants will do you no good. get used to your pants falling down for the rest of the pregnancy, as nothing will stay up over a melon-belly.

    cheers!

  4. Did you wash the the victim before eating it/
    waiting rooms are filled with germs!

    i hope you feel better tho’ drinklotsa water.

  5. amy: there’s no melon, that’s the sad part. I am an under-achiever.
    inhale 13: I usually count on my poison reserves for disinfecting the victim, but maybe that’s an error in judgment.

  6. I didn’t block you! Someone else told me today they were blocked. Are you trying to post a URL or a dirty word, like “mortgage”?

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