Hulk smash windshield, if windshield not already broken

Saab call Hulk to say 43 other mutants get new windshield ahead of Hulk. Hulk say “why I pay payment then?” Saab say “ooga booga boo. Thank you for calling. Expect a Customer Satisfaction Survey in the mail in a few days. We depend on your valuable feedback.” Never buy Saab. Hulk think Hulk learned this in highschool when friend’s Saab missing hood for three months. But husband not listen, say Saab different now. Lies, Saab, lies.

Part 2: A quiz

If you were a cat with the personality of a PTSD-stricken ‘Nam vet, would you prefer to:

a) move to a new place and then spend time cowering in the bathroom while a week of construction takes place
b) have your owners pay rent plus mortgage for another month as you continue to bask next to a heat vent in your current abode
c) stay with your in-laws and their one-year-old grandchild during construction – at least there are piles of old magazines to hide behind
d) be smuggled into a hotel in a backpack for a few days or disguised as child with body hair issue

I bet you’ll say B, but yeah, right. Hulk not made of money. Hence site monetized and valuetized. If reading this drivel ever entertains you, please also enjoy/forgive the messages from sponsors. Otherwise, you may ignore them or read other quality internets content. Hulk commodify dumb life in half-assed manner.

Hulk have migraine. Is tumor?

12 responses to “Hulk smash windshield, if windshield not already broken”

  1. I suggest A. Get all cowering done at once. Cat will shit on your bed whatever you do, rather than double-cower and have possible cat-stuck-in-hotel-ductwork escapade. Unless want to film it for reality show “Condo Closings From HELL”.

  2. In which case, (reality-show case), choose all four. move to new place, realize construction dust will cause parasite to be born with two heads. Move back to old apartment for week, until landlord tells you oops, actually, new renters moving in now. Make sure new renters turn out to be an ex-boyfriend with a large dog. In panic, stay with in-laws. One-year-old pulls cat’s tail, sneak cat into hotel, lose cat in ductwork. Rescue team from fire department turns out to be aforementioned new-renter ex-boyfriend.

  3. Wow, I guess that would be OK as long as my ex-boyfriend is hot! Luckily, she is not one to communicate via bodily functions. I’m leaning towards letting her spelunk in the in-laws’ basement, although she might get eaten by a muskrat or whatever they have down there.


  5. sellout!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    how do those ads work anyhow? you only get paid when people click, right? a penny a click or somethin’?

  6. MARKO: I have installed a ship’s rudder in my german car assembled in mexico.
    lisa: It’s way more than a penny a click, luckily. I’m forbidden to click on my own site (they KNOW), or else I’d have a new damn job. The parasite needs a new pair of shoes!

  7. For one thing, I drive a Prius, and for another thing, I didn’t know you were pregnant. I thought you had a tapeworm. I’m happy for your new Boston terrier proximity but a bit dubious about the other thing.

  8. secretlyironic: where do I get one of these? I heard you can use pantyhose in a pinch.
    David: it hasn’t been proven that it’s *not* a tapeworm! I’m skeptical too, but I like to think it will be OK when it grows up to be a successful and attractive plastic surgeon.

  9. Jesus God, I turn my back for one minute to open a business, and all of a sudden you’re knocked up. If you name it after me, I will send you a nice bread board fashioned out of bamboo. If you name it after Goblin, she will send you a present she made herself.

  10. David: That settles it, you’re in the running. I should open naming rights to everyone though, in case I get a better offer.

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