Cut it out!

Poor Mary-Kate Olsen. Now that she’s out of her treatment program, I would like to personally apologize to her for going to a Halloween party as “Mary-Kate and Ashley: After the Laughter” five years ago.

A friend and I wore pigtails and matching pink marabou trimmed tops, which we purchased at Kids ‘r’ Us. We wore Betty Ford i.d. tags and toted pints of Southern Comfort in little see-through (also marabou trimmed) purses (convenient!). We really stood out in that sea of togas and sexy witches/cats. I can’t remember if I was Mary-Kate or Ashley, but I had a hand print carefully painted on my neck and track marks. My friend had a black eye and more track marks. People either loved or hated the concept, but I must say it was one of my better ideas. Better than that dork who walked around with copies of his resume stapled to his shirt as a “dotcom employee.”

So buck up, MK. At least it didn’t turn out *that* badly. You’ve never worked for a dotcom. And now you are a billionaire, and no one will ever make you wear shortalls and floppy hats again. I will send you a Hickory Farms gift basket if you leave your address in the comments!

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