Lambchop and I mulled over having Sexy Thursday, but due to supremely sexy circumstances beyond our control, we decided to cancel Thursday for this week. Glad that’s not hanging over our heads any longer! We have moved on, to the grand tradition of Fuck You Friday!
What happens on Fuck You Friday? A lot can happen, that’s what. This is a great time to tell someone you hate him or her, or just have sex with that person, depending on the situation. So to be fully prepared, I like to back up my files and make sure I’m wearing nice undies. It’s really what you make of the day.
Did you know over 80% of all sex occurs in the home? And only 45% of fatal injuries occur in the home. So we must be doing something right, as a nation.* Safety first!
I like to start the day with a little laundry. It’s a real turn on when your beloved leaves a trail of Â used garments on the floor, a saucy scavenger hunt if you will. Then it’s up to you to get soapy with those socks!
See how much I am enjoying myself? There ought to be a law against this much pleasure.
Then I move on to the outdoor chores, like the pioneer woman I am. I have to water the horses and mockingly withhold affection:
Then I would cook dinner, but not eating results in a far sexier frame than tossing back a pot roast every night. So I open the fridge and look at things disparagingly, and then I close the fridge with a sassy bump of the hip. Ouch!
Then the nude housecleaner comes over to do the grout, and the rest is Miller Time.
*97% of all bloggers admit to making up statistics.
Speaking of maypoles of questionable lust, you have suffered and waited long enough. The Miley Cyrus sex doll has finally gone from a draftman’s sharpened stub of pencil, to a mold in China, to your greedy paws.Â It’s the Finally Miley!Â We have come a long way since the Olsen twin “are they legal yet?” countdown.
Now instead of the pointless fantasy that any of our nations losers will actually get to have sex with creepy child stars, we can just plug away at her synthetic counterpart. The nation has seen itself in the mirror, and is cutting its losses. Hope it won’t turn out to be too achey or breaky, or your money back!
Just in time to wonder what this little lady is up to:
After a long, sickness hard day, check I like to relax with a hot shower as well as this guy!
I suppose it might be fun to bring friends, if they have suffered a similarly dull and taxing day:
Or sometimes I go for a swim:
The real secret to teasing the neighbor boys peeping over the fence is modesty. Let us never forget that sexy, sexy virtue, America. Clothe your desperate, orange housewives, put your teen pop stars in Catholic school uniforms, and only let them near a pole on May Day.