Every venerable institution has an awards program, and Vomitola is no exception, for we are truly unafraid to roll up our sleeves, turn up our dainty noses, and pass judgment just as the lord intended. So please help yourself to your box wine and your hoarded twinkies. Go on, you totally deserve it.
The Clammy for the best loser of an American presidential election this year has got to go to Mitt Romney. Mary disagreed with me, she thinks the award should go to the state of Texas. However in fine Romneyan tradition, 47% of the votes didn’t count, so I carried the day. Mittens, please enjoy your clammy, especially while your wife is traveling.
What else do we have written on this sodden napkin? Oh! Best description for Donald Trump’s hair goes to Penn Gillette for “cotton candy made of piss”. That is painting with words, sir. The Clammy for best Robert Smith Nazi hunter goes to Sean Penn, we really could have watched him giggle in face paint all the livelong day. We could not decide what was the best waste of our time, but it might actually be coming up with this list. Honey Boo Boo was a shoo-in for Best Emerging Clamlet. Licketysplit wins in the trusted friend category for always showing up at the right time. With pills. In breaking clam news, Halle Berry must get some kind of award for having two Frenchmen fighting on her lawn. Best Thing is a tie between spicy dumplings, red pandas, and a suitcase full of money. Taylor Swift gets the Clammy for best recipient of awards. At that point we stopped writing things down and started fighting over the glitter pen.
Anyhoo, who cares? The important thing is to see how everyone is dressed at the afterparty. At the Drafty Clam, of course!