Now you have done it, Vomkiteers.Â Once one begins to celebrate things, one becomes addicted, eager to celebrate more things.Â Last night I ate the last of my birthday cake and ice cream for dinner.Â Eyes blazing with sugar, chin dusted in frosting, nose tipped daintily in chocolate, we ask ourselves- what’s next?Â For god’s sake man, what are we celebrating next?!?Â Fortunately, at this time of year there is no lack of occasion for parties, florid ramblings, and gluttonous pie consumption.Â Tell me, will it hurt when it’s all over?Â
Yes, I know I should really stop licking my plate and put my pants back on.Â You are clearly on the side of those buttery crumbs scattered with grains of raw sugar.Â You would take their part over mine wouldn’t you? But you can’t take Thanksgiving away from me, I won’t let you.Â Don’t come any closer!
By the by, I should mention the things for which I am thankful.Â I am thankful to have good health.Â My hands still work for painting, my legs are still perambulating.Â Â My finances remain hilariously deplorable, which reminds me to be thankful for consistency.Â And of course I am thankful for Licketysplit, the best mate any cut of meat has a right to ask for.
Are you going to eat the rest of that?Â What do you mean, there is nothing left?Â I can plainly see a quarter of a pie crust and a drizzle of chocolate and cardamom on your tray!