Hello, I’ll be bribing you today

Someone is coming to appraise my Indian burial ground, and I have left a casual, shabby chic vintage suitcase filled with non-sequential bills by the front door, on an adorable antique stool draped with a lace doily made by nuns. I also made such concessions as putting on pants and boiling a pot of cinnamon water on the stove so it smells like I cook.

Not much is new other than my ethical violations. Luckily, I have a flunky who will go to trial for me. Everyone should have a good patsy. I am naming my next dog Scooter Libby, which is disarmingly perky.

Things are things, and this is not Darfur, and I am not an Austin Powers impersonator. Life is grand! There is a shopping channel just for rehab. It’s sort of like SkyMall.

3 responses to “Hello, I’ll be bribing you today”

  1. Once upon a time, there was an unethical man who worked in the government. He lied to a bunch of people. Then he got rich and retired and lived happily ever after.

    From your sponsors: “Our brand of this, rich tea is called Wu-Long (TM), and 37 scientific studies published within the last several months alone show it helpsmelt away bodyfat; boost energy; and even clarify skin, giving your face a clear, radiant glow.”

  2. Aaron, are you saying the tea doesn’t work? Those are strong words.

    David, I certainly hope so. There was a line on the worksheet for “aroma,” but I did not see what he filled in.

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