Which foods am I thinking of today?

Today I awoke to find free cocaine falling from the sky! Pounds and pounds of it! I am so excited. People are taking it for granted and brushing it off their cars. I don’t understand that. It’s a gift from God. I am going to put some clothes on and go harvest some. Later-ish. I think I need a massage and a nap now. I’m also having all my pants hemmed to this season’s length, and I’m getting neck extensions. Huh, the landlord is out there pushing the cocaine around with a plow. That’s the ticket, man. Jolly good. Put some behind my car, yes, do that. I am going to have so much fun backing through that.

Oh, about the food. I am thinking of how bad microwave popcorn smells. And about how Hot Pockets are made of asthmatic stray cats. I could also go for some of that leftover casserole, except I ate it all last night. What do you people eat, anyway? I always imagine other people are eating better things than I am. Who am I talking to? Why do I let random dingdongs know my business at all? And by business, I mean total exaggerations or lies. Envy and vigilance, that’s the name of the game.

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