People are trainwrecks/ So why should it be

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. What is your standard deviation? I took a huge handful of vitamins thinking they were Jelly Belly jellybeans. Whoops. No es piña colada! No es popcorn! Throw your hands in the air. How is it possible that a jellybean can taste like popcorn? We are so alone in the universe.

I decided not to get a job since something better came up. The moral: complain on the internet, and ye shall receive! I am moving to Tahiti! If I’m going to have syphilis, that’s the place to have it. Ok, I’m not moving to Tahiti. I am redecorating. There is a new condo building being built across the street, and they painted the entry way “goldenrod.” So I went over and painted sort of a seafoam over that. That’ll teach them. *I* have to look at that entry way, not them!

Uh. Where was I. Syphilis. Yes. This is the thing to have. I got mine from using the toilet after Lindsay Lohan. What? You don’t have the sif? Get on the stick! Sorry, sorry, I have this brain tumor that presses on my vulgarity center. It doesn’t feel as good as you would think.

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