Have I told you all lately how AMAZING my life is? My husband is just the handsomest man. I never thought I’d grow up to marry him! Everything is so wonderful, I can’t even tell you. It’s beautiful, just amazing. AMAZING. We had wood-grilled pizza the other night. It was just gorgeous. I’m so happy.
Yes, I am taking vitamins! Tom Cruise was right. They are AMAZING. What? I’m not supposed to take them all at once? Oh.
As I continue the grueling process of hunting for a job (day 2!!!), I’ve narrowed down my options to the following:
1. GeneralÃsimo, small island nation preferred
2. Writing whiny Chick Lit about how hard it is to be a chick/hip mother
3. Leader of spaceship religion, retaining all merchandise rights
4. Tony Robbins
I don’t want any of the jobs on Monster.com or Craigslist. I am too sensitive to work for someone who indicates they want to hire a “profetional” or commands that “salary commiserate with experience.” My heart, my heart. My Chicago Manual of Not Being a Douche Bag.
Shit. I am supposed to be using my time to write an episode of “Law & Order: They Had It Coming.” More vitamins, please.