The weather is here, asshole

Well, Day 1 in the Amazon is off to a good start. I did leave a bit late because of the little matter of killing the HVAC technician. I festooned the house with his entrails, and left him nailed to the front door as a warning to other service professionals. After a dab of Purell, I was off to the races. I had a little trouble finding the Amazon campsite. No, no, your directions were great, really, I just wasn’t paying attention. Silly me! But now that I’m here, the friendly natives have packed me in mud, and I showed them how to get satellite internet access with a magnifying glass and a tin can and some vines. So they are all crowded around on the spare computer. I hope I can tear them away so they can show me which toads are best to lick. I think I will like my new home in the Amazon.

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