Dear Kitty Winn,

I’m a bright, affable gal, and I’d like to think I have a good outlook on life. The only trouble is the incompetent dugongs who surround me, bleating and secreting their sticky juices of mediocrity. Why can’t I find my peers? I don’t think I really am superior to the entire rest of the rest of the world, but where, oh where, can I find my equals?

Desperate in Delaware

Dear Desperate

Like a girl trying to lick a lolly with the wrapper still on, you are going about this all wrong. A bright little pop like yourself is doomed to be surrounded by grunting, lumpen troglodytes. You’d like to think your outlook on life is good, but you’d be wrong. Abandon all hope of being surrounded by your equals, and take pleasure in that very circumstance. Which sounds more well-adjusted to you: “Ugh, everyone in this room is practically unicellular.” or “Hurrah! I am the smartest person here! May my cynical wit and wide variety of fascinating pursuits enlighten the few that scrabble after my words like so many crumbs, and let the rest be crushed in fearful pain and self doubt!” ?

In other words, quit being such a Negative Nelly. Reality, like Emo, is for twerps.

-Kitty Winn