What’s a gal to do?

Dear Kitty Winn,

I have not been involved with anyone for a looong time. Before I saddle up and head out again, I wanted to know what sort of girls are “In” these days? Sluts? Power Vixens who talk about the books they read? Cute-n-Dumb? Or maybe Innocent Virtue is back? Please clue me in so I don’t have to waste any time “having opinions” when I ought to be pretending I don’t want sex so I can have some.


-liza jane

Dear Liza Jane,

I’ll tell you what’s in: eating disorders! Hoo, had you there, didn’t I? Don’t fret, my gauche gamine, we’ll have you up and humping in no time, and nary a drip drop of yesterday’s lunch need cross your lips. You see, the secret to love is to have an alter ego. It’s kind of like becoming a super hero. First you need a name, then a costume, then some press coverage, preferably in the form of a slavish internet fan site. I will even give you some ideas for free: Lurid Crimson, Cyan Chlamydia, Lulabelle the Liberated Librarian. Soon the young dandies will come flocking to you, drawn in by the many pictures of your painted pout! The more wigs you wear in your photo shoot the better. Really, you have nothing to lose. It’s not like you’re that much to look at in person anyway!

knock ’em dead,

Kitty Winn

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