Dawn Wiener

This article is promenading me down memory lane: Fifth-graders accused of poisoning attempt

Ah, the grand tradition of attempted murder. I myself have only tried to kill 3 people. All were unsuccessful, although my sister still has a pretty good scar. Well, I guess that could be downgraded to “almost killed by accident.” But the other two, oh man. There was one roommate who shall remain nameless…the other roomie and I used to take her perishable food out of the fridge and leave it on top of the dishwasher to warm up ever so slightly. She must have wondered why we had our own jar of mayonaise marked with our names. That didn’t seem to work, so we took to dredging her toothbrush in the commode from time to time. Surely we never rose to the heights of this young gentleman, but we gave it the old college try, so to speak.

Lesson learned: if your roommate keeps his or her own toothbrush in a lockbox, so should you.

xxoo

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