Tag Archives: internets

I want to eat the whole thing

OMG, internets, yesterday I held a baby, and boy are my arms tired! No really, they are. Babies are heavy. I could scarcely spoon yogurt into my mouth this morning. Uhhhhhhh awwwhhhh. Eating is so taxing already, and now this. The baby was sleeping, and who wants to mess with a sleeping baby? Babies are known to wake up and cut you if they feel like it. Shudder.

I really have nothing to say, which is why I am writing in my personal online home page. Hurricane, oil, Africa, Iraq, family values, etc. I made Mr. H delink me from his photo blog so legions of his relatives won’t mosey over here. If you are one of those relatives, and you’ve already slogged through the moat, well, tough. I reserve my right to mention stupid things you may do if I feel it provides comedic material. Why, I remember that time I caught you with Zellweger at Thanksgiving dinner. Yes, I do. Memory like an elephant right here. Oh, like you don’t talk about me all the time: “Oh, Licketysplit buys things that are not on sale!” “Licketysplit treats the cat as some kind of child substitute!” I am wise to you.

Speaking of existentialism, please view the Happy Horse Rocker, the world’s most threatening and hideous children’s toy. The child model is begging his tormentors to allow him to unmount the horsie, yet he clings to the very thing he hates for some shred of security. A moment of true tension, sure to be replayed throughout the child’s adult life in the form terrible relationship behavior. Ach, Mutter!

Silence is Sexy

It seems that I am the only person this week who has not talked about me on the Internet. Yes, the Internet has decided I am evil. I just want to thank everyone for having taken the time out of what must be very hectic schedules to weigh in with their opinions on the subject of ME, especially all you folks in Milwaukee and Wisconsin! Anyway, I have been silent through the affair, but I thought it was about time that I talk about me, too.

This is my pal Echo, who I have had the good fortune to spend time with lately. We trade drawings, and we talk about Barbie and imaginary sharks. She knows the old adage about throwing stones. And boy does she have a good arm! She is truly a prodigy, and I would wish for her she would never see how ugly people can be. But she also understands that while you don’t have to be friends with them, Ugly people must be tolerated!