Vomitola staff would like to apologize for the little news blackout over the last few days. We found ourselves on a most compelling ether jag, but then we realized it was all apparently real. Unfortunately, this isn’t like the time we woke up covered in half-melted Gummi Worms with packing tape wrapped around all the light sources in the house.* It’s far, far worse.

To catch our readers up, the Adam and the Ants party, while not victorious on Tuesday, did stage a coup wherein the Morrisseys were banished to Canada. The final straw apparently came when the Morrisseys enlisted their would-be Secretary of State, Nick Cave, to change America’s national anthem to “The Weeping Song.” Adam himself issued a statement calling the Morrisseys “a bunch of bloody wankers.”

The Adam and the Ants faction has stolidly opted for fight rather than flight, and their members are increasing national visibility by wearing black stripes under one eye and rhinestone-encrusted black armbands.**

We at Vomitola would like to extend our solemn pledge to continue being absolutely ridiculous even in the face of these trying times. Sure, we’ve shined up our ACLU cards and resigned ourselves to another few years of MoveOn emails, but we remain committed to living out our elaborate fantasy lives starring musty pop stars, enjoying all the sodomy we can handle, and being astonished by obesity. What good is living in a blue state if we can’t do that?

Yours,

the queens of the wild frontier

*true story

**soon to be available for purchase right here at Vomitola.com