Meet new people, even if they look different to you

I went to the mall the other day. It seems public shopping arenas become crowded in proximity to forced calendar holidays. I asked the saleswoman in Bath & Bodyworks for gift suggestions. “I guess I’m after something that says ‘Now that you’re fat!'” No, I’m just being outrageously mean for no reason. It’s helping me get over a tough headache. I actually said “I need something for a new mom who doesn’t have a lot of free time.” Apparently, new mothers need spa slippers. And they need to exfoliate. But then, who doesn’t need to do that? What a freaking brainwave. I was informed that the mom in question would like sleep and liposuction, but would settle for a #1 Mom pendant and a card that reads “Your a great mom!” Sigh.

Also, I am trying to determine if selling ad space on a controversial website is a viable business model. Surely NowThatYoureFat.com would get me flogged on The Today Show eventually, even though it’s clearly satire. What does a truly evil organization, like the Klan, do for an online revenue channel? Oh my stars, they have a gift shop! I’m not linking to it, as that’s too horrible even for me, but I am sure you can figure it out. Hmm, is there a market for Vomitola sorority sweaters? Eta Pi Vomitola!

-xxoo