Mary clearly had her intern up all afternoon scouring the internet when said intern should have been highlighting the fringe on Mary’s water dog.  How she does let normal business run amok when she is on a quest!  I took a gander at the ugly people wikipedia, and it appears nothing more than a dating association for Italians.  I could barely restrain a giggle.  Ugly Italians?  I should sooner see Intelligent Oklahomaoans.  Or Moderate Republicans.

Moving on to Ugly People Problems, I was thrown into uncertainty.  There do seem to be a lot of complaints, and yet, they all seem to relate to unpleasant quantities of hair or missplacement of features. Just as a warm, gloaty feeling began to settle upon my person, I chanced upon a very disturbing factoid.  Apparently, it is common for ugly people to take an interest in a handsome celebrity, and then envy the partner of that celebrity!

Suddenly I was plunged into an abyss, recalling my torment when my precious Baby Goose packed his things and took up with that cradle robbing asp.  Can it be that these unfortunates, the hideous, the hirsute among us could actually relate to what I felt??  That they also might have prowled the outskirts of a Paris film set looking for a good place to hide a body? Would they, too, have sent to her home one hundred tiny boxes filled with mouse tails, just to spy her look of fearful dread from a tree branch across the street?  It may be, it may be so.

What if we have other things in common?!  I don’t know if I can handle having my world view so shaken on a Wednesday.  I better have a lie down.  Perhaps Mary’s sadly dull-looking water dog will keep me company.