Quittin’ Time!

Right now, I’m taking a break from rolling around on the floor, giggling.

My work here is literally done.

Not at Vomitola HQ, mind you. Lambchop and I sued for sexiness discrimination the last time they tried to oust us. It’s true: in America, you cannot be dismissed for being too attractive. Thank God we finally have some protection as Attractive-Americans.

I think I’ll miss commuting at 5 mph the most. But perhaps this longing can be assuaged by swimming in my money bin.

See, I applied to join the 1%, and after a series of tests (mostly matching shoes to bags and ordering off the menu in French), I reached the final hurdle: orphan clubbing. But I saw through this ruse. I hired someone to club the orphans FOR me. And what do you know, I was in!

I take my new responsibilities seriously. No, I will not sponsor your charity walk. Why are you obsessed with redistributing my wealth?

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