Witty and relevant

I got two hours of sleep last night! Hi! Someone is installing multiple tooth-boulders at once. Someone’s tract does not agree. Kick and bite and scratch and pinch. Scream all you want, we’ll make more. Someone is a monster, an alien dropped from the planet Kill You. Tonight I will break out that bottle of laudanum. For me.

And that’s how it goes around here. Torment interspersed with rapid innovation. We climb. We eat raisin bread. We still love dogs. I got a noise cancelling Bluetooth headset, and unfortunately I can still hear the person on the other end of the phone. Hello, hello, we have FEEDBACK. Let’s REACH OUT. And TOUCH BASE.

I have no real problems, but let’s try complaining anyway. This being a blog. I am parked in the parking spot. I eat lunch. A percolating case of PTSD, sure, we’ve got that. I got into an e-fight about whether or not c-sections are traumatic. No, surgery while wide awake when you really don’t want it is AWESOME. That is my FEEDBACK. AWESOME. Let’s DO IT AGAIN. Or not. Let’s just try to stop having nightmares about it. Let’s stop sitting down in the shower and wanting to cry. Not that we get to take many showers these days, what with the ceaseless innovation and refusal to sit in the damn bouncy chair. No. We have to go spelunking in the toilet. On belay.

9 responses to “Witty and relevant”

  1. My friend’s kid spread a rumor around pre-school that his mom “washes her one good leg in the toilet.”

  2. Anonymous: Let’s go to my favorite nail salon and ask for the “basement menu!” We can get matching c-sections at the same time. This time I think I’ll get a lightning bolt scar like Harry Potter.

  3. Have you tried letting someone join you for a shower? That’s the only way I get to wash myself since like 6 months ago.

  4. Hmm, I guess I could, but then I’d have to stop slathering myself with parabens. Such is!

  5. Hope you don’t mind, LOOK pointed me to your site.

    C-section, yeah, 6 weeks my arse! I have a 7 month old monster of my own…slowly draining my life essence!

  6. Hi Scooby, what, you don’t want 10 more c-sections? Party pooper. Just looked at your blog…please don’t let your baby CIO! Reflux is a bitch. But it will get better, and there’s some gentle stuff you can do. If you want some sleep help, you can email me, my address is over to the right on my main page.

  7. 16 more staples please!
    Cocoa butter for Mother’s Day? You shouldn’t have…

    No, no CIO for this mommy, was just at my wits end.
    I will send you an e-mail, thanks!

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