Someday I am going to go to grad school just so I can write a dissertation on the archetype of the hero dog.
I need a hero dog. I would probably have more luck finding one of those than I am having finding a small human minder on Craigslist. My ghost writer is on strike, so perhaps my ad was less than compelling: “You: don’t be a degenerate! Salary negotiable. You troll! I just know you want to sell my small human the second my back is turned.”
My upper lip smells funny. Am I dying? Oh, it’s my lip balm. I apologize, but sometimes it takes a few moments of “freewriting” to clear the cache before I can do real work. You read this of your own free will! I am going to put that in my gratitude journal.
You aren’t fooling Gooooogle. The ads for for Colic Baby and the Iditarod. So put that in your gratitude journal and smoke it.
Who needs a hero dog? A standard issue dog is every bit as interesting to a miniature human, perhaps moreso because they’re so much simpler. Put the small person in a small person jail and leave the dog to roam free and entice small person with his antics. Entertainment for all, no minders needed. Unless what google says is true, and your small person doesn’t sleep. Standard issue dogs don’t come equipped to deal with sleeping issues, you’ll definitely need the hero version.
david: i should have that baby pull me around on a sled.
jes: my small person has not slept this week because she is sprouting molars. i need a dog who knows how to work a morphine pump.