Oh God, I am so weary of opening proxy envelopes. How did you know?

Today my checking acccount contains $664.44*. So darn close to beastliness. Clearly Mr. H did not get the Satanic Memo when he made that ill-considered ATM withdrawal yesterday. Learn some of the math, fucko!

People are all “So watcha gonna do if yer baby is born on SIX SIX SIX?” And I’m all “Yell and grunt, probably?” Mr. H pointed out that we live in the United States of Wackistan, and there must be some Fred Phelps-type groups fixin’ to pitchfork all children born on this date until they fly up to Jesus. But don’t they have some gay, gay marriages to worry about? We decided that if that feeble election year federal thing passes, we’ll get divorced. Yay! I always knew I’d make a good divorcee.

My future ex-husband is making me eggs. BRB!!!!!!!!

*Yes, we’re poor. All the bills come out in the first half of the month! The second half of the month is spent replenishing the room full of cocaine.

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