Whassup, Internet? I watched ten minutes of the Oscars. Hilary Swank had her dress on backwards, and Chris Rock is black! Oh, oh my. Swank swank swank I like to say it swank. Antonio Banderas sang some song about Shrek with Beyoncé. I think.

It’s that time of the year where Mr. H and I start looking at our bank account, thinking “Hmm, there’s money in here, we should really give to charity or take a trip to Pluto or something.” But then Magic Larry’s secretary always calls to say I owe a whompin’ tax bill. I am trying to see if I can deduct money I spent this year if I first thought about spending it last year. Oh well. Maybe we’ll just vacation in Baltimore, where there is a hotel decorated with that incredibly louche primate depicted above. You can see I lack Mr. H’s fundamental photography skills, like holding the camera still. I can’t help it if I am a jittery person. Maybe we should just stay quietly at home and achieve our goal of seeing every zombie movie ever made.

Mmmm, and here is my hotline to satan that Lambchop mentioned the other day. He lets me live. He says we should have quesadillas tonight, and who am I to argue?