Its the little thing’s

I am sure 10% of the reading audience just clapped hand to breast and shrieked. The other 90% plodded on, unruffled. Most likely the members of the majority are foreign, or perhaps just American. You hurt mama when you misuse punctuation.

The it’s/its quandary, which really isn’t much of one, is oft-tilled ground. Yawn. When you feel a burning need to write “it’s,” read your sentence aloud using “it is.” Does it make sense? “The bird flapped it is wings.” No, that is unacceptable. In that case, use “its.” “It is time for tea.” OK, go nuts with “it’s,” you have my blessing.

What truly baffles me is the folks who have started stuffing extra apostrophes into plural nouns, as if they need dressing up. Example: “I bought some new skirt’s.” “All the other mother’s want to have lunch.” In the latter case, it is possible that the writer meant “All the other motherfuckers.” I might let that slide.

In any case, here’s a handy cheat sheet for forming plurals. Click on “English Plurals” for pictures of cute animals. Please note that the plural of “dog” is “dogs.” Not “dog’s.” “Two dog’s did not go to the park.” Do not try to tell me otherwise. I will kick you in the shin’s.

In short: I blame….Dick Cheney, you, your parents, my parents, Big Tobacco, television, Big Food, and the fact that every single thing that appears on the intarweb is a first draft. Including thi’s.

NEXT WEEK: Everyday is not like Sunday, but every day is.


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