Dear Kitty,

It’s been 10 minutes since my esteemed colleague left the firm, and my row,

forever, and already it is unbearable. How does one cope with such loss? I

feel like my life is over. I am sobbing uncontrollably. And on top of this

loss, the colleague I am left with harasses me mercilessly. Just today she

made insulting remarks about the size of my nose, for which I am very touchy

about.

Can you help me?

–anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I was very much moved by your letter, and I shall give you the name of my very own personal cosmetic surgeon. You shall walk away from this trauma with a perfect nose. One need not miss old friends when one has a beautiful face in the mirror to gaze upon with deep satisfaction. Or has their own television show.

Love,

Kitty Winn