So my boo’s crazy uncle is the master of baffling communication. He likes to pretend to be someone else. Recently he sent this to the family email list, including his own real email address:

From: “Burt Davis” (not his name!)

Date: Thu, 16 Jan 2003 11:46:33 -0500

To:

Subject: Hi everyone It’s Burt!!!!

Hi! I am writing from the Cruise Ship Sauffley in the Indian Ocean. What a great crew. Every night, right after dinner, we have life boat drills and life vest drills. We have met some great people during these drills.

Some people we met at dinner, were Bob and Samantha. They were married the Saturday before we left. Although Samantha is not my type, she got Burt laughing so hard when she was blowing raspberries on his belly.Bob is about 30 and he works in San Francisco as a salesman. Samantha works as a model.

Captain Rochette has been very informative. He says that we are going past the Cape of Good Hope tonight. We will be in South Africa this evening and Mr Mandela will be our guest on board. I hear he has some stories about the old times, and you know how much of a history buff I am.

Next week, the guest of honor is someone named Khadafi. Henrietta thinks he is sexy and mysterious under that turban. I just think of that guy in Harry Potter who unwraps his turban and there is a face that talks!!! Yuch! Can you imagine eating and having that guy unwrap a face!!! Not me. Henrietta can go alone. I’ll watch Samantha blow raspberries on Hollingsworth.

The weather hasn’t been bad, except for that day of rough seas. We had hit some typhoon or such and a few people got blown overboard. They have not been found yet, but it is assumed they swam toward those islands we saw the day before. While I was walking along in the bulkhead, I saw the room that they had. It was huge and spacious so, knowing they wouldn’t need it anymore, I asked the Steward if I could get the cabin. After paying the upgrade, both Henrietta and I feel it was well worth the price.

Hollingsworth has his own bed, and it is a relief for us.

Well, thats it until next week. I’ll send some more photos next time, and god bless.

—

So, I decided to out Uncle him:

From: “Mimsy Varden”

Date: Thu, 16 Jan 2003 4:21:15 -0500

To:

Subject: Mimsy’s Baaack!

Burt!

Mimsy Varden here, I used to be Mimsy Van Der Ploo? I know we haven’t been properly introduced, but perhaps Henrietta has spoken of me? Hopefully she didn’t say anything that bad, ho ho! Anyhoo, I am so glad I’ve tracked down the elusive Davis family… A friend just mentioned the lovely letter they got about your latest cruise and I thought to myself “Can it be? Henrietta! It’s been years.” So if you can put Henrietta on the computer to read on from here, I’d be much obliged. Kisses, -mim

Henrietta, darling, it’s been far too long! This is such a stroke of luck. What a small world really. You see, I’ve been moving around quite a bit in these last few years. I’m sure you heard about Armand’s accident through the usual grapevine. I just couldn’t face the world for months after that. So off I went, one bag and a heavy heart. I stayed in Switzerland at first, in and out of various spas. It really got terrible boring. You can’t imagine the American Nouveau Riche and how they dominate a dinner conversation. I do not understand to this day what is a “dotcom.” Is that like a kibbutz? Such a long way from our simple days at school!

I’ve thought of our friendship frequently. I tried to send a postcard from Peru, but I wasn’t sure if the address was right. Did you get one of Lake Titicaca? No matter, I’m sure it was nothing but dribble…I was having quite a time with the pills. From there it was off to Tanzania, where I met the most wonderful guide while I was on a safari. He’s my idea of big game! Yes, I’m still a naughty lass, Henrietta. But I didn’t let him get away, I married him! He wanted to stay in Africa, but I really don’t trust the natives, even though they seem a beautiful people. Now we’re back in New York, just trying to get the renovations on the apartment wrapped up. The one bright spot in Armand’s whole ordeal was the settlement from the petroleum company.

But enough of my trials. I did receive the adorable photos of Hollingsworth in a Christmas card, what, 2 years ago now? They were luckily forwarded to my deposit box in Paris. How is he progressing? I hear they can do wonders in those special schools these days. Ah Henrietta, do write me back! We have so much to catch up on. Missing your wedding left me feeling like such a heel. I owe you one or five, old girl!

All my love – mim

—

Ooh, I hope Henrietta writes back! It’s so nice to have a loon in the family. Lambchop said it reminded her of a genial T. Herman Zweibel, and I’d have to agree. I hope Mimsy connotes enough of a gin-soaked fading harlot?

xxoo