So my boo’s crazy uncle is the master of baffling communication. He likes to pretend to be someone else. Recently he sent this to the family email list, including his own real email address:
From: “Burt Davis” (not his name!)
Date: Thu, 16 Jan 2003 11:46:33 -0500
Subject: Hi everyone It’s Burt!!!!
Hi! I am writing from the Cruise Ship Sauffley in the Indian Ocean. What aÂ great crew. Every night, right after dinner, we have life boat drills andÂ life vest drills. We have met some great people during these drills.
Some people we met at dinner, were Bob and Samantha. They were married theÂ Saturday before we left. Although Samantha is not my type, she got BurtÂ laughing so hard when she was blowing raspberries on his belly.Bob is aboutÂ 30 and he works in San Francisco as a salesman. Samantha works as a model.
Captain Rochette has been very informative. He says that we are going pastÂ the Cape of Good Hope tonight. We will be in South Africa this evening andÂ Mr Mandela will be our guest on board. I hear he has some stories about theÂ old times, and you know how much of a history buff I am.
Next week, the guest of honor is someone named Khadafi. Henrietta thinks heÂ is sexy and mysterious under that turban. I just think of that guy in HarryÂ Potter who unwraps his turban and there is a face that talks!!! Yuch! CanÂ you imagine eating and having that guy unwrap a face!!! Not me. HenriettaÂ can go alone. I’ll watch Samantha blow raspberries on Hollingsworth.
The weather hasn’t been bad, except for that day of rough seas. We had hitÂ some typhoon or such and a few people got blown overboard. They have notÂ been found yet, but it is assumed they swam toward those islands we saw theÂ day before. While I was walking along in the bulkhead, I saw the room thatÂ they had. It was huge and spacious so, knowing they wouldn’t need itÂ anymore, I asked the Steward if I could get the cabin. After paying theÂ upgrade, both Henrietta and I feel it was well worth the price.
Hollingsworth has his own bed, and it is a relief for us.
Well, thats it until next week. I’ll send some more photos next time, andÂ god bless.
So, I decided to out Uncle him:
From: “Mimsy Varden”
Date: Thu, 16 Jan 2003 4:21:15 -0500
Subject: Mimsy’s Baaack!
Mimsy Varden here, I used to be Mimsy Van Der Ploo? I know we havenâ€™t been properly introduced, but perhaps Henrietta has spoken of me? Hopefully she didnâ€™t say anything that bad, ho ho! Anyhoo, I am so glad Iâ€™ve tracked down the elusive Davis familyâ€¦ A friend just mentioned the lovely letter they got about your latest cruise and I thought to myself â€œCan it be? Henrietta! Itâ€™s been years.â€ So if you can put Henrietta on the computer to read on from here, Iâ€™d be much obliged. Kisses, -mim
Henrietta, darling, itâ€™s been far too long! This is such a stroke of luck. What a small world really. You see, Iâ€™ve been moving around quite a bit in these last few years. Iâ€™m sure you heard about Armandâ€™s accident through the usual grapevine. I just couldnâ€™t face the world for months after that. So off I went, one bag and a heavy heart. I stayed in Switzerland at first, in and out of various spas. It really got terrible boring. You canâ€™t imagine the American Nouveau Riche and how they dominate a dinner conversation. I do not understand to this day what is a â€œdotcom.â€ Is that like a kibbutz? Such a long way from our simple days at school!
Iâ€™ve thought of our friendship frequently. I tried to send a postcard from Peru, but I wasnâ€™t sure if the address was right. Did you get one of Lake Titicaca? No matter, Iâ€™m sure it was nothing but dribbleâ€¦I was having quite a time with the pills. From there it was off to Tanzania, where I met the most wonderful guide while I was on a safari. Heâ€™s my idea of big game! Yes, Iâ€™m still a naughty lass, Henrietta. But I didnâ€™t let him get away, I married him! He wanted to stay in Africa, but I really donâ€™t trust the natives, even though they seem a beautiful people. Now weâ€™re back in New York, just trying to get the renovations on the apartment wrapped up. The one bright spot in Armandâ€™s whole ordeal was the settlement from the petroleum company.
But enough of my trials. I did receive the adorable photos of Hollingsworth in a Christmas card, what, 2 years ago now? They were luckily forwarded to my deposit box in Paris. How is he progressing? I hear they can do wonders in those special schools these days. Ah Henrietta, do write me back! We have so much to catch up on. Missing your wedding left me feeling like such a heel. I owe you one or five, old girl!
All my love – mim
Ooh, I hope Henrietta writes back! It’s so nice to have a loon in the family. Lambchop said it reminded her of a genial T. Herman Zweibel, and I’d have to agree. I hope Mimsy connotes enough of a gin-soaked fading harlot?