So I am into medical accessories these days. My newest painting contains what looks like a Liv Tyler fairy on her way to be martyred in a back brace. Which is not a bad idea, really. Anyway, kiddies, your humble servant Lambchop does love realism and is taking a break from the studio hunched over this keyboard with ribs wrapped excruciatingly tightly in bandages. I feel like I am under 6 feet of mud. My advice to you- never break anything if you can help it.

But it’s not all about me me me. I have also been hard at work on an investigation that will benefit you, Dear Readers as well. I have composed the following letter to that all knowing sexpert, Dan Savage . It reads:

Dear Dan

My friend wants to put me in an empty bathtub and pour bottle after bottle of champagne over me. To which I would happily consent, but I fear injury to my tender bits when sitting in all that alcohol. And though I hate to repeat unsubstantiated lore, I even heard *somewhere* that Natalie Wood ended up in a hospital after springing into just such a cocktail.

So, Dan, help a young floozy out- is this risky business or can we pop our corks and have at it?

-drink me

I am chewing on my pencil waiting for his snappy reply. In the meantime, if any of our Dear Sweet Adorable-as-a-Puppy Readers have some relevant input, please feel free to share. You will remain anonymous unless otherwise specified, much like the dockworkers Lickety and I sell favors to on weekends.