Tag Archives: promises

I’m not gonna cry. And I’m wavin’ goodbye.

I will give credit where credit is due. Lambchop was the one who came up with hiding under the pool table in the day room while everyone was absorbed in “Suddenly Susan.” And she busted us out of Promises with nothing more than a plastic bag, some glitter putty, and a “how do you do?”

However, while I reward ingenuity, I also think we need some standards here at Vomitola, some best practices.  Lambchop, what else do you bring to under the table? How are we to move this organization forward? Once upon a time, the user orbited the content, but now the content orbits the user. We’re under the table, but we are the table. We have synergy and mobile applications and Twitter Twits to consider. Are we doing all we can to be Vomitola?

Oh God, I should shut my mouth while the shutting is good. Now we’re going to be forced to fill out peer reviews! As if group therapy wasn’t enervating enough. Lambchop, I promise to be complimentary if you stop trying to insinuate that I am an impostor who is just like the real Licketysplit, but with a terrible case of bacterial vaginosis.

Baby, it Ain’t Paris

Remind me, why in the hoarhound did I book this vacation?!? First, I was separated from my Mary, and she had all the nips in her purse. So I made sure to tell the concierge that I absolutely cannot make it through a day without a gin and tonic or three. He nodded so sympathetically and then what do you think? If you said “began slicing the limes,” you would be wrong! I can tell you I caused quite a flap, so they put me in a room for hardcore deniers. Spending a day alone in stir with Billy Joel was not on my bucket list, thank you very much. Thank heaven for George Michael, that dirty old queen. His face may be tighter than his ass, but he passed me notes on rolling papers to pass the time.

I bet Licketysplit is having all the fun, making sock monkeys with Mickey Rourke and dropping lima beans in Kiefer Sutherland’s milk. She is a party all by herself.

I had just about given myself up for a goner, when I realized the door was not actually locked. If you need me, I’ll be in the kitchen. The dishwashers always know how to have a good time.