SWF: seeking friends. Will buy you inappropriate gifts. Will follow you from the bar to your house, order from one party to another. Will get to know your acquaintances just to get to know YOU better. Will show up at your front door uninvited. Will AIM you every ten mins. to tell you about useful things I bought on Ebay, generic such as a sofa beader or synthetic crotch toupees (they look so REAL! only 50 bucks for a whole set!). I will track your movements, knowing when you are on and offline and I will chart the places you go to see if you have been doing things without inviting me. I will call you up 20 times in one day without leaving a message, forgetting about caller ID, finally I will leave you an angry, drunken message at 3am to ask you where you have been. I will hound you for your advice on menial details of my day and then ignore whatever it is you say. I will be overly familiar from the first moment we exchange names, and express my hurt and angry feelings when you fail to reciprocate my awkward intimacy. Then I will spread nasty rumors about you but still hold out hope to be your dearest friend. I will take back everything if only you will love me! Please direct all response to SWF@vomitola.com.