My fellow citizens, you probably can’t read this because you are in the dark of your Brooklyn boudoir, scraping the scum of the Gowanus Canal from your floor with a toy shovel that blew in from Rockaway. Fear not, for it will likely freeze soon!
We managed to stop those scrawny Eritreans from running through the ravaged city so our police can concentrate on things that really matter, stopping apoplectic jagoffs from throttling each other at the Sunoco. But it looks like we won’t stop the election. After all, this isn’t Ohio!
I am sure you will all agree that Everything Sucks. Even if you are not trapped under a fallen tree, you probably don’t have a job. And if you do have a job, you probably spend your days wishing a tree would fall on you. Well, Mitt Romney has your solution. You have been so short sighted- Life could be a whole lot worse! Once Mitt is in charge there will be rapery all around, and no more of your fun time, lazy Sunday abortions. Health insurance and retirement benefits will only be available via the dice table at Monte Carlo. But don’t worry, you will still get a tax break for being beautiful. Me, I will be disappointed if I am not personally raped by Mitt Romney himself. But those are the kind of high expectations that have been mostly dashed in this hopeless economy.
In sum, please take your heads out of the ovens and vote for Brock Omama. You probably don’t have gas, anyway.