Tag Archives: election 2010

Vomitola down!

Get Out the Vomitola

Your breathless correspondent has thrown out her back. Do not ask how. The answer is undignified for both of us.

I believe this officially entitles me to some ObamaCare! Which means, what, exactly? I’ve heard the term, and I haven’t bothered to figure out what the dilly is. One hears things, and one nods along, and then one is like…what…? Just today, a child asked me to explain what a Three-6 is. A member of Three 6 Mafia? Something to do with pimps? Don’t ask me, I just have a car radio, which is never getting turned on again. I thought I was doing so well with covering 808 and several urbane and even witty possibilities for the identity of a G-6, and then she tries to stump me with Three-6.

So, in short, ObamaCare means we can’t have nice things, but we’re damn well going to try, and I am going to take a leftover prescription pill that is only close to expiring but not actually expired. Or some truly expired yet still piquant sizzurp. Cripes. This really hurts! Typing makes it worse. Each right-handed letter an agony. You love it.

Plain speaking Americans speak

Get Out the Vomitola

It has come to our attention at Vomitola HQ that there is a national day of election tomorrow. Apparently there is a nascent party that favors lapsang souchong and stockading gay people, which is as contradictory a message as we could find.

Obama bring back arrested development

Anyway, I like to poach scallops in a spot of lapsang broth myself, so I thought maybe I could focus only on their fiscal conservative angle. After all, who isn’t using a pinch less caviar in these troubled times? I am no scientist, but I think it tastes just as nice that way. However, I soon realized that these otherwise upstanding tea-favoring people believe Glenn Beck is serious!

Glenn Beck is a Viking

We admit we are not even sure who is running tomorrow. It seems to be one giant free-for-all at this point. The names of the crazier people who stick out as, well, crazier people include Christine O’Donnell and Sharron Angle. Sarah Palin may or may not be running for something. Bristol Palin is running for Queen of the Danceteria. We shall go out on a limb and predict: a sweeping victory for the mentally interesting.

Bristol Palin shimmy

Although we may be able to prevent the Bristol thing if we vote as one nation for that nice Jennifer Grey. Nobody puts Baby in a corner!

Every Day is Halloween

Trick or Treat with Steve Strange

Battle kittens, we went trick or treating with Steve Strange. Look, that’s yours truly with the little mustache!

We called Steve back from safari only to cause him great psychic trauma when we found the the local politician’s haunted donut cavern was shuttered. Not running for re-election. Oh well. Democrats used to stand for free donuts for all, but what of this year? Are times really that tough? Are we just a bunch of poverty stricken Roombas zooming around, moaning about a little cat shit in our path, while other people flaunt ungrammatical signs about Obama making us MARRY OUR SISTAR? It’s time for a rally, my little wasabi peas.

Dear Steve Strange,

I think I have forgotten the capacity to love another human being after a few emotionally tumultuous years. I don’t know if I’m depressed or if having such a character flaw is depressing! Or are my family and friends just that awful? One of them snores, and another interrupts constantly, and yet another taps his teeth with his fork by accident with each bite he takes. And then there are those people from the tea party railing about. I want to start a new life under a new name, where none of them will ever find me. Is being a hermit a viable option these days? I just don’t care at all, Steve.

-Faded to Grey

Dear Faded:

You know, I try to be rather a kind human being, having experienced some humbling times in my own life, but really, you make me sodding sick. Sicker than cold turkey heroin withdrawal while tied to a bed.

You are speaking with a man who has been in a hot air balloon and spent £100,000 on drugs in under one year. ONE year! Have you ridden an elephant? Bedded Robert Palmer? I thought not. I don’t want to hear one more measly whimper about whether or not your life is dismal. It is. Let’s sally forth operating under that impression.

As for the people in your life, if they are putting up with you, you should assume they are even worse than you, and you should sack them. As for this tea party, well, a party always cheers me up, so why not have at it? Where do you store your doilies and your glitter cannon?

love, Steve Strange

*advice is intended for entertainment purposes only. is there any purpose save entertainment?*