Fellow heathens, we are so close I can smell the singed eyebrows we’ll all be sporting come some time, possibly tomorrow. Picture yourself crisped like so much cheese on a toaster oven coil!

With all this foofaraw about the end of the world, everything seems to be an omen. On my journey through the morning vehicular massacre today, I spotted a disheveled crone standing in a yard wearing a backwards rain coat. Not two houses down, there was an empty teddy bear print high chair standing forlornly at the end of the driveway. Then I was passed by three UPS trucks in a row!

I turned the corner, and at an intersection, I was blindsided to see FIVE UPS trucks in a row gliding down the cross street. The effect was akin to watching circus elephants grandly enter a town. What will brown do to me? I quake in anticipation.

It really is the little moments in life, I suppose. Just last week, I slalomed through heavy traffic to approach a Subaru with a missing back window, the hole covered in many layers of plastic sheeting and duct tape. The license plate read ADEPT. Every time I was ready to voice over WACKITY SCHMACKITY DOO into my phone’s video camera, the damned thing would change lanes. I was chasing the ghost of incongruity. A metaphor for the futility of our officing away in offices, fulfilling ever-changing and inconsistent requests for maniacs.

Speaking of maniacs, Lambchop and I slaved over an End of the World mix tape. We found so many worthy candidates (at least 80% of the Morrissey and Judas Priest catalog) that we decided to make 2 volumes. I’ll be bringing you THE PAIN:

Vol. 1: Apocalypso

The Sky’s Gone Out – Bauhaus
It’ll End in Tears – This Mortal Coil
Some Heads Are Gonna Roll – Judas Priest
Wave of Mutilation – The Pixies
Sorry Doesn’t Help – Morrissey
The Weeping Song – Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Cities in Dust – Siouxsie and the Banshees
There is a Place in Hell Reserved For Me and My Friends – Morrissey (see??)
Dead Souls – Joy Division
Now I’m Feeling Zombified – Alien Sex Fiend

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