Yesterday, Mr. H said “I dreamed we had a little boy too.”
“That’s nice,” I said. “I dreamed I had a calzone.”
Each concept is equally ludicrous. No cheese and no more seibab!
I’ve been cleaning up the house, and I noticed there are spiderwebs all over the rafters. Perfectly architected Halloween spirals. But no actual spiders are present. This is infinitely more creepy than the few months I spent living with Shower Spider in my old apartment. Each time I’d get in the shower, I’d say something to the effect of “Please don’t drop on my head while my eyes are closed, and I’ll let you live.” We respected each other. Shower Spider would never eat cheese in front of me when I can’t have any. AHEM. But absentee spiders? Who the hell knows? They could be forming a giant pyramid on top of the headboard while I’m asleep, for all I know. They could be blinking in Morse code to say I look fat! Stick with the devil you know. Hypotheticals and invisibles are terrifying.
For one thing, your faith in Shower Spider is misplaced, because he was posting naked photos of you on the Internet. Meanwhile, headboard spiders are leaving minuscule crumbs of cheese in your nostrils as you sleep.
Shudder. all spiders are evil.like the fruits of the devil.
I dreamed I did a 6.5 second quarter-mile.
The other thing is that Shower Spider drew the line on the wrong side of genocide.