I am a failure as a human being. I did not write a post yesterday. I started one, and it got erased. Nor did I vote in the Democratic primary today. The terrorists are winning! I should be more politically active than ever, what with having to hand this shitbucket of an earth over to an innocent child, but said innocent child is going through a phase not unlike the tortured adolescence of a Tasmanian Devil. This makes basic tasks im-fucking-possible. We reap what we sow. I guess. I also did not recycle. And I fired the babysitter. One day… a new record in didn’t work out. Reproduction…a supremely stupid idea. Er, I mean “it’s all worth it.” And it is worth it, for the five minutes of gummy smiling a day. But, you argue, you could hire an elderly homeless person if gummy smiling is your thing. I’m sorry, I am not breastfeeding the homeless. No matter how often that one guy on the third bench to the left of my house may ask. Speaking of breastfeeding, I was reading the “mystery diagnosis” column in the NYT magazine the other day, and a banner ad nagged “Babies were born to breastfeed.” I was already breastfeeding a baby right at that moment, and I got this mega defensive feeling, like “what the fuck more do you want from me, banner ad?” That banner ad wants to smoke a cigarette when it’s already smoking.
In closing, tits tits tits tits tits tits.
I just read an article about how the world is going to end because smart, liberal people are not reproducing very much and moronic Jesus freaks are popping them out left and right. So breastfeeding or not, you’ve already done your share for the home team.
Well, the good thing is, kids always reject their crazy parents’ values. It’s a shame the kids doing the rejecting are going to be inbred and simple, though…
To truly do my share, I’d have to have eight or ten children. Ha! Haha!
I wonder if a baby will grow up to be a raging Republican? Maybe she’ll change her name to Ann Coulter.