Sometimes you have good intentions of writing something really funny and relevant, you know, for the first time in your entire life, but it just doesn’t happen. You go to Content Challenge with the army you have, and sometimes that army is in a really bad mood and doesn’t want to make fajitas for dinner. Sure, all the ingredients for fajitas except a few are in the fridge, and an end product of fajitas makes more sense than anything else the army could put together, but the army just doesn’t fucking feel like fucking fajitas, OK?
The army considers defecting and sits down on the floor and covers its face and says “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I could kill with my bare hands. I am going to just sit here and be very quiet to avoid that.” Then Donald Rumsfeld says “It’s OK, baby, let’s go out.” And then the army sniffles and says “But we’re supposed to be saving moneyyyyyyy.” Donald Rumsfeld sagely reminds the army that the army could get one of those huge dill pickles it likes so much. The army doesn’t defect after all, but it does stay up half the night drinking water on account of the pickle.