Not if you were the last superstore on Earth

Take the No Wal-Mart Holiday Shopping Pledge. I know this will be easy for most of you, since there is no way in hell you shop there anyway. And I always like feeling effective while not changing my habits at all. That rules!

Although the other day, I was at the bank, and I needed to pick up milk, and there was a Wal-Mart right there, and I thought “Hmm.” But then I slammed my face into the steering wheel to remind myself that we don’t shop at Wal-Mart in our family. Bad! NO BARK! So I went home and milked the neighbor’s cow instead. Or maybe it was actually Drunk Upstairs Cheryl. I’m not sure, but I milked something. Luckily, I drink soy milk. My inner obesity has requested that I switch to cream laced with chocolate syrup, but there are some things up with we cannot put.

5 responses to “Not if you were the last superstore on Earth”

  1. Best strategy: tell everyone you’re making gifts to charity in their name. Then, don’t do anything. They’ll never know.

  2. But where else will I buy Rimmel cosmetics in America? Do you want me to be ugly? (This is a serious inquiry.)

  3. Yes, of course I want you to be ugly. Who doesn’t want to be the pretty one? And isn’t there a similar low-rent brand at Target? I am tired of doing the thinking FOR you people.

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