by Thelma Haney
Well, folks, I am very happy to report to you after the first of our Great Debates. I hung Old Glory out on my front porch, and I made lots of sandwiches with American cheese. But let me tell you it sure don’t make it easier for the undecided voter. I admit to favoring our President a bit at the outset, because he is our leader, and he talks plain, just like we do down at Rosie’s parlor. Sometimes I feel like we could be his cabinet! Me and the girls were all down there this morning early as you please to get a set and talk it over. John Kerry is such a high falootin Grumpy Gus. Mr. Bush reminds me of my pappy when he would drop his dentures into a glass of Jim beam and read us “The Three Billy Goats Gruff”, or my cousin Lydon who, god bless him, fell out of a tree on his head. After the accident, he became the kind of thoughtful type, always taking a nice , long pause to collect his thoughts, nostrils flarin’ like a steer. Sometimes I thought he was just wool-gatherin’ but eventually he would give a piece of his mind, like our President to King Kong of North Korea! You can talk to China, we are Not Interested!
Anyway, it touches my heart how both men have such nice families. Did you see John Kerry kiss his wife? You could tell they are truly in love! And when I think of that poor Kerry boy in Vietnam, as a mother my heart breaks. I just can’t decide who the better captain of our troops would be. Ella May said there are other things to consider in electing a leader besides “a military bent”, but she is only saying that because she is rich and has no children. I secretly think she donates money to environmentalists, which as we all know is just domestic terror. Well we hashed it all out, and we decided it was simply the “wrong place, wrong time” and we would wait and see what happens in the next debate. I am going to hang some bunting around my porch and bake a red white and blue bundt cake like I see here on the back of this box of Betty Crocker. Which makes me think, I wish we could get these Yale boys to square-off in a chili cook-off! All the yapping can be so hard to follow, but I sure do know when a chili tastes right!