As most of you know, who aren’t toothless imbeciles still glorying in the day when Grandaddy Bush sent you three hundred bucks, Boston has been host to the Democratic National Convention this week. And aside from Clinton’s dazzling speech “TCB, Takin’ care of business, baby” and an amazing speech by tv’s Brak, it was surprisingly uneventful until today. You could tell people were getting anxious with all the strip searches and bag checking and helicopters flying overhead. Then the Ohio delegates tried to purchase some soft pretzels from a cart and they were SOLD OUT! A briefcase dropped to the ground and fell open like the shot heard round the world, and all hell broke loose. Ties were thrown to the wind, hats flew in the air. It was only a matter of time before the actual looting began. So if you planned to come to Beantown this weekend, don’t. Stay safely at home and sing God Bless America. I am off to Provincetown to enjoy a lavendar weekend on a beach, dancing with crossdressers.
I was right outside the Fleet Center when this kerfuffle errupted. There was trampling and screaming and amateur fires being set. When the dust finally settled, the crowd gasped to see John Edwards and Mayor Menino sinking their teeth into the ropey neck of a hippy! John Edwards’ wife was so shocked that she went into labor on the spot, delivering their eleventh child with the aid of the Sausage Guy. Edwards immediately sued the Sausage Guy.
The nominees escaped to their waiting tour bus via a hijacked 7 News Copter. The remaining scene was grim, ladies and gentlemen. Last I saw, people were just whaling on each other with the uprooted Make Way for Ducklings statues.
BUT I’M STILL VOTING DEMMYCRAT.