Valentine’s Day is indeed our new favorite holiday- it has all the perfume and red fur you can ask for. The trick to avoiding any nauseatingly contrived sentiment is to celebrate it like we used to in the third grade, with little cards and candies for our friends (plus that doughy kid with the big ears our mom wouldn’t let us exclude). So there were hugs and little gifts and red stillettos all weekend for me and Clammy, and all our pals. (Note: if you invite me to your house anytime ever, make sure you keep some martini glasses on ice, so I can fix myself a Kitty Dukakis.)
I feel a bit holiday’d out from Friday the 13th- President’s Day. But it got us all to thinking about the special meaning of friendship and sharing as we dove into our chocolate raviolis on Vday. And me and Clammy realized just how lucky we are to have such swell pals and lovely profiles. We could not help but take a moment to feel for our less attractive brethren, who sit friendless and in need of a skin peel on this Valentine’s Day. And we thought, “why, there must be a holiday for the these people…a chance for us to give something back to nature!” Hence, “Have Sex With An Ugly Person Day” was born. Come April 5th, when for us the warmth of spring generates excitement for summer parties and flirtations, we must think of those less fortunate. And have sex with one of them.
I don’t get into Presidents Day at all. I don’t even have a driver’s license!