And it IS over

Kitty Winn realizes that, in a haze of perfumed paper and silk heart printed teddies, I gave short shrift to a troubled soul. So as soon as my nails are dry, I will attend to the matter.

There.

Dear Sad,

I am going to have to break some bad news to you. If your girlfriend is putting down your gigglestick in public, this relationship is toast. You are in bed with her- wake up, roll over, and stretch out your arm. Feel that? That’s Another Man. Your girlfriend has moved on to greener pastures and is probably already planning romantic getaways with someone she deems less “meatballish”. Somehow the breakup has escaped your attention. Perhaps you should put down the hash pipe and try to remember if you heard the words “it’s over!” being hurled angrily at you along with your clothes. Or maybe you haven’t missed anything- maybe you have some extraordinary qualities that make the final step of departing difficult for her. Tell me, are you rich? How rich?

Anyway, you have to face facts. Whether her tampons are still under your bathroom sink or not, You Are Single. Try to enjoy it. After all, being single makes dating that much easier.

-Kitty Winn

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