So we long ago decided that I am usually right, but Lambchop is far more quotable. Hang on to your knickers, nelly, this guy is a regular Bartlett’s!
I am loving his reason for why no one needs to drive a Humvee: “you’re a dentist, not the right leg of voltron!” aughh.
xxoo
VinDiesel69: i have something for you to post as an anonymous quote from me.
VinDiesel69: or something.
lickety: is it about retards?
VinDiesel69: like, i want to say this on my blog but it’s too icky even for me, but your blog is great for it
[ed. note! We LOVE backhanded compliments!]
VinDiesel69: no, icky men cruising in the gym
lickety: ooh yeah
VinDiesel69: OK, i mean, I’ve got pretty good gaydar, whatever, i can tell when people are trying to pick people up in the sauna: they go from steam room to sauna repeatedly, cool off with a shower and a drink, then do it again and again.
VinDiesel69: but when the straight people can tell, and the gay people are openly disgusted and relieved that you’ve left the room,
VinDiesel69: you KNOW you’re overdoing it.
VinDiesel69: I mean, this guy was NASTY
lickety: am i missing the boat on lesbian cruising at my gym? I never get that kind of attention
VinDiesel69: He was lying on his back on the bench, lifting his knee to his chest and rocking back and forth suggestively. I wanted to say “ye gods man, put those away! You’re scaring the breeders!”
VinDiesel69: i doubt it.
lickety: i guess chicks are more subtle
VinDiesel69: I mean, are there rules about women’s room behavior?
VinDiesel69: like, never pick the stall next to someone else, or don’t sit too close to someone in the sauna?
VinDiesel69: keep your legs crossed closely?
VinDiesel69: wear your towel? don’t make eye contact?
lickety: mostly people are very polite
VinDiesel69: my guess is “would you like to have coffee sometime?”
lickety: i recently discussed american idol and joe millionaire with someone and her friend
lickety: maybe they think i was hitting on them! we *were* all naked
So, to recap, gentlemen, for chrissakes be discreet! My friend Vin (is that anonymous enough for ya?) from the above exchange seems to get all the hot locker room action though…Always makes me feel like there must be something wrong with meeeee!
P.S. I am in no way saying that Tom Cruise is gay. Tom, please do not sue me.
xxoo
So I awoke this morning and checked all the porn in my hotmail, and then when I logged out, I see a story beckoning to me from the MSN idiot portal. “Swelling star threatens world, providing preview of what awaits Earth.” First I thought it was going to be about Jennifer Lopez and/or Ben Affleck, and I just can’t get enough of those two. Then once I figured out it was all about Science, I was genuinely alarmed and proceeded to skim it with as much attention as I can muster after half a cup of coffee. I was prepared to get all excited and order a wet suit and gas mask, but then it turns out the Earth won’t fry for another few billion years. They snuck that tidbit in at the very end. Ho hum.
But I may be a day late and a dollar short with the gask mask anyway, as I see I’ve missed the Miss Gothic Massachusetts pageant! Oh calamity, oh cruel serendipity. Oh misery that the photos of the “winners” aren’t published yet. But! Do not depair, gentle reader. We are proud to announce that Vomitola will be providing in-depth team coverage of the event via special correspondent Mary Jane RottenCrotch (as soon as she is found, we are checking interstate rest stop bathrooms now). Oh wait, Lambchop is passing a slip of paper across the news desk…it seems she has been located, and she’s just in the middle of a streaming web cast about the hardship of taking her corset collection to the dry cleaner. Phew. Well, when she’s free we’ll try to extract all pertinent info!
Oh, and last but not least, we’d be doing a real disservice if we didn’t provide a whizz-bang Golden Globes wrap-up. Sorry about that.
xxoo
This was penned long ago by matt from the Wurst. And its called Goin’ Down Syndrome. thanks j.o.!
the sight of you baby gives me a bone/must be the extra chromosome
they said i took advantage/but who were they foolin’/i know she wanted it/ ’cause she was droolin
only one girl can satisfy my lust/that’s the girl that rides/the short school bus
yeah.
Dear Lambchop,
I don’t think we could ever be this socially unaccceptable if we tried! (and I know we will give it our best). Please feast your eyes on The Tard Blog, the positively true adventures of a special ed teacher. Definitely take the time to go through the archives. I wonder how long til someone figures out who is writing this and fires her?
xxoo
Something that weighs heavily on my heart. That’s right, the Banana. I read just recently that fungus and pests have devastated the plants, and they simply don’t have the genetic diversity to combat the problem. Like the Amish. Anyhoo, what kind of life would it be without bananas? How can we go on if banana pancakes are extinct? What will monkeys eat (and what will happen to Matt LeBlanc’s career)? But seriously, if i put a lovely ripe banana in your hand and told you “Savor this baby, its the Very Last One You Will Ever Eat”, wouldn’t you just burst into tears, thereby destroying your final banana moments? And that would most deservedly make you feel like a real schmuck.
Gather ye bananas, while ye may…
Licketysplit and i may at least console ourselves by marketing the world’s first Bananapon- yes, the cheery, fragrant banana tampon!
smooch
When you are done with la femme flatulence, it will please you to know that Kikkoman has tired of Japan! (and he’s stacked!)
Last month Lickety made me look at fetish videos involving girls with butter dripping from their chins letting insects crawl into their mouths and swallowing them. Something about all those legs, i guess.
THANKS FOR SHARING; PETUNIA!
For my supper, I am off to gum some noodles. Can we do anything today that won’t receive an XXX rating from someone, somewhere?
smooch