Hail to the cheese sandwich

How about all that politics and that guy who did that thing? Remember when I cared? The last election cycle sent me onto heavy antidepressants. Although I don't take those anymore, I am still pleasantly dumb thanks to related short term memory loss and the brainfog that comes from all things to do with a baby. Hey! I like socks! Do you? My anti-drug is avoidance.

And WTF is with all you packy-loving sonsofbitches who don't want to buy boxed wine at the same time you pick up your VeganHelper crumbled substance? I hate you! I bet you'll still go to Starbucks, despite all your blah blah about preferring to support local businesses. Knobs. Do you all live in my condo association too*?

In other news, I am trying to craft the perfect bib for a baby to wear to Thanksgiving. I'm thinking of "Don't feed me. My mommy bites." Or maybe "Don't feed me. You had your chance to make your own kids fat." A baby is still too young to eat food, but I know an entire branch of the family tree can't wait to hand her something delectably allergenic. I think performing the infant heimlich would be a great holiday diversion. Didja get the vidier camra?

*A baby and I compromised and signed the rudest neighbor up for casual encounters ads on Craigslist. You: must have own python.

Posted 5:52 PM by Licketysplit