And now for something completely different

Dear Internet, I have a confession to make. I love my sprog very, very much. I love that we're a family. It's ooey-gooey, sometimes more gooey than ooey. Sure, it's fun to pretend like I keep her chained up in the utility closet and only allow her out to cook me frittatas, but this is not really the case. Sleep deprivation and 216% increase in typographical errors aside, Mr. H and I can't imagine life without her. I'm psyched to be able to do things like teach her to swear, take her to Japan, and otherwise spoil the living Jebus out of her.

I take everything so hard now. Stories of families and children struggling really affect me. When I hear a child crying in the supermarket, instead of being annoyed, now I think "Pick that baby up and love it, you douche bag." If you're lucky, I'll even lactate. It's a fancy interplay of hormones at work, designed to keep the species alive. No matter how many mp3s and frequent flyer miles I have, I'm still a monkey. Of course this is why I'd rather be a brain in a jar some days, but we can't win 'em all. Sometimes being meat has its privileges. See: hugggggggs!

I know of a family having a really rough time, and I'm going to try something new. I'm donating the November and December revenue from this site to them to help them get back on their feet after some medical setbacks. I'm not sure how much of their story they'd want shared publicly, but I assure you it's a very real and serious situation. So far, I've made enough from your generous clickery to pay a few bills of my own, even though I don't deserve it since all I post about is cheap wine and a baby. But I pledge to post more, and I'll try to come up with more interesting topics. How do we feel about strippers? Do we like cheeses of the world? You tell me.

Posted 3:44 PM by Licketysplit