you lousy mammals

Love Springs Eternal

I may be lousy at romance, I may not be able to keep a hamster alive, but my pal Clammy sticks by me. It's because She's always right, and I am infinitely quotable!! So during that horribly pedestrian performance of The Furtive Masturbator, I stood up, and read this to my best friend:

I wish i had an evil twin/ Running Around doing people in
I wish i had a very bad / And evil twin to do my will
To cull and conquer, cut and kill/ Just like I would if I weren't good
And if I knew where to begin
Down and down he'd go/ How low no one would know
Sometimes the good life wears thin
I wish i had an evil twin
My evil twin would lie and steal/ And he would stink of sex appeal
All men would writhe /Beneath his scythe
He'd send the pretty ones to me/ And they would think that I was he
I'd hurt them and I'd go scot free/ I'd get no blame and feel no shame
Cause evil's not my cup of tea
Down and down he'd go/ How low, i would not need to know
All my life there should have been
An evil twin.

Who knew that Stephen Merritt's work is such a Bonerkiller?

-xo

Posted 12:30 PM by Lambchop